A Walker Death

As you all know I have been feeling terrible and my pain has gotten worse, but the one major problem I noticed is my legs are so numb I have been falling. My falling has gotten to the point that my mom had to go out and buy me a walker. At least it is fancy blue. It is so embarrassing at my age to be using a walker, and you can just imagine the looks I get when I went outside. Here I am, I look like a capable 32 year old, and I am on a walker. It is a lot different from the first time I ever had to use a walker, now at least I am not trying to escape from a hospital (another story, another time)! Anyways….

The major kick in the butt though was learning that I have pancreatitis. Just another day, just another organ failing.

More to Come, Because I am Still Alive…

I just want you all to know I am out of the hospital and back home trying to recover from just over nine weeks of fighting to regain some sort of health. It might take me a few days, or a week, to get back to blogging since I have to still wrap my head around all that has happened. I also have to absorb the miracles I witnessed and try to put them down on paper.

I want to thank you all for staying with me even though I had not written anything for weeks while in hospital fighting for my life. I was blessed with great doctors, nurses, care aids, and roommates all who helped me recover, even when I was fighting against their wishes when I was confused and septic.

One thing I hope is that my brain can still work the same now after all that has happened and with all these new meds. Truthfully I don’t feel the same and I am finding that I am struggling to write. Hopefully this is temporary and happens to writers, like after they take a vacation.

Speaking about vacations…… We are obviously not on the cruise to Alaska. I did not get to go on my bucket list cruise and take my mom on a Mother’s Day cruise because I was sick. Guess what happened when I went to get my money back? Norwegian Cruise refused to give me my money back. They took my money and said, even though I gave them a doctors document signed, “No”. I am so angry I can’t even talk about it right now. I feel like they have stolen from me. I am on disability I have saved up for a very long, long, long time. Now that money is gone along with my dreams and my mothers present. And my Mother is so deserving of a gift and a vacation. All she does is watch her daughter die, it would have been nice for her to see her daughter smile.

Pamela

A New Year… IVAD Prayers All Around!!!

A whole year has gone by and I am still here! What the heck, eh?

Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not complaining about the fact I am still here with you. But, I will be honest about not feeling confident or strong enough for another year of my increasing pain. I know I will not get any better and that is my reality. I truly am at peace with that. I just struggle with the pain… I do not understand sometimes what lesson is to be learned from having this pain.

I Am Letting Time Pass Me By

I guess I just have to admit it. I can no longer ignore what is staring me in the face day after day… I am sleeping what is left of my life away. Sleeping. Precious time that I could be doing something valuable or accomplishing something that has some sort of value to someone. But no, I don’t. Instead I have nothing to show for myself, nothing to my name. Instead I sleep my time away.

My days seem to be getting shorter and shorter because of it. I am awake far less now a days, and when I am awake, I am so exhausted nothing gets done. It seems that the days fly by, and if I were to sit down and figure it out, I bet I am awake less than ten hours a day. I easily can sleep away 12-14 hours a day if I were to add up naps, and include the times I fall asleep at the hospital and doctors office.

I have started to notice how quickly the day is over for me now.

WARNING: DEPRESSIVE POST FOLLOWS

First time rebloging! Sorry everyone for the first blogging error. Here is the new post, this one is not a mistake.
Pamela

Painfully Waiting

Renewal: For me this word brings up thoughts about starting fresh with a bang. It also makes me think about putting forth a lot of energy towards something larger than ourselves, such as values and goals. This can be done in many ways and New Years Eve tends to be when most individuals make these changes in their personal lives. Conscious decisions are made to “renew” faith, or character flaws, relationships, personal values and goals, or even the biggest renewal is personal health and fitness awareness.

This word actually allowed me to participate in this weeks photo challenge even though I have a restricted amount of photos on my computer. This photo is from a New Years Eve fireworks display in Brandon, Manitoba Canada. Every year the city puts on a spectacular show for the residents and visitors. Even with my limited photography skills and camera the picture turned…

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Staring At The Ceiling Again

Hi everyone

I just wanted to let you all know I have been hospitalized for awhile due to sepsis. I am lucky to have my Aunty here from Manitoba and she has an iPhone, therefore I can post from my hospital bed. I am feeling a bit better now and am hoping to be home within the week. I hope all is well with everyone and I will post when I am back in my own bed. I just might have to look into getting one of these “texting machines”… This iPhone is quite handy

Pamela